Tuesday, 27 October 2015

SAYING GOODBYE

On September 26th my heart broke into a thousand pieces and it is with the heaviest heart that I'm writing these words: I've lost my beautiful Osiris.
My wonderful, grumpy, handsome prince has been taken away and life is not the same without him.

From the moment I saw him I fell in love and that love only ever grew and grew as time went by. He made me laugh, he comforted me, he cuddled and he kept me company whenever Brad wasn't around and he showed me unconditional love.
Osiris was the tiniest, most timid kitten who grew into the biggest most regal boy made up of fluff, fangs and whiskers. He was less than a palmful when we got him and grew to reach a sturdy 16lbs of solid Ragdoll proportions. Sadly the body that carried him through endless antics and mischief turned on itself and our boy lost weight so quickly, leaving him in a 10lb shell with his spine, chest and pelvis all easy to feel during his final week.

I can't remember a time before Oz; everything since 2012 has been done with him in mind. He greeted us every time we stepped into the house and his purr has picked me up many times over the years.
I can't form words in a way that could ever explain how much I will always love him, let alone be able to express how much he's missed. Two months shy of his fourth birthday is far too soon for him to be taken away. We haven't had nearly enough time with our Oz and it's saddening to know that we'll never get to see what a handsome old man he would've grown into.

Osiris was taken from us by severe anaemia which was brought on by the onset of bone marrow cancer. Steroids and antibiotics only pepped him up so much before he gradually levelled out and, eventually, declined.
We had just four days with him from finding out the severity of his illness and, even though it wasn't nearly long enough, those four days were a blessing. Four days where we cried, we cuddled him, we brushed him, we gave him copious treats and we utterly spoiled him every way we could.
Most importantly we loved him. Every day of his life he's been loved but we tried to pack in as much as we possibly could, no doubt bordering on the point of annoyance to him! I didn't want to leave him or stop looking at him for a single minute.

Before we realised the severity of Oz's illness we said we'd take him out for a wander on the grass when he perked up. Being a house cat he'd had only limited experience with the outside world but he loved watching the birds through the windows and always managed to find a patch of sun to sit in when it filtered through the windows. Sadly that time never came but now he's free in my parents' garden to do all the roaming, bird watching and sun lounging he can manage.
We chose to bury Oz in a big orange jumper; the one I wore through a severe illness myself two years ago. Throughout my bedridden six weeks he never left my side and I'm sure that was his way of looking after me through that time. He also took his brush and his treat egg - two things that were specifically his. Our baby cat Cleopatra doesn't need brushing so much and can't figure out how to use the treat egg; they were both very much his things and so he's kept them.

It's been a little over three weeks since my big lad went to sleep and it still feels like early days. Even writing this is upsetting and there are times when it all hits at once like a ton of hell and emotion can't really be controlled.
I don't believe in heaven and I don't know how I feel about the thought of an afterlife but I do know that burying Oz is not the end of him. He's living on in memory and I'm hopeful that eventually the sadness will make way for find reminiscence.

From the tiny little pip of a kitten that came to us in January 2012 to the magnificent fluffbag that left us in September 2015 we have had a whirlwind of a time with Osiris as part of the family and he is missed so so much. He made an impact on every aspect of our lives. 
I'm thankful for every day he was ours and my love for him will carry through until it's my own time to leave.
There's only really one thing left to say:

Night big lad.

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